Love Deep, Shine Bright

Untitled -2011

Long nights
Alone inside
Running thoughts
Nowhere to hide
It’s hard to listen
When people shout
It’s hard to pray
When you’re filled with doubt

Wishes, dreams
Further than what they seem
“Reach for the stars”
But I’m not finding anything
I’m stuck behind bars

Family isn’t family
When you’re all for none
Family is nothing
Family is done

All the fights and all the lies
Calling for rain
From these dark gray skies
Ring the doorbell
No one’s home
No one thinks
To pick up a phone

Think of a dollhouse
With Barbie and ken
All set up
Letting anyone in
Like a naive girl
With user friends
She does anything for them
But won’t win in the end

I lock myself up
And throw away the key
So I can’t get out
So no one can see
I’m hurting inside
I’ve just got me

Feeling alone
Feeling sick
All these insults
Are starting to stick
“How can I be so selfish and mean?
I’m hurting everyone
This is not me”

I curse
I blame
Someone show me the way
My life has been hard
But I won’t complain
You love me?
Okay. Then why treat me this way?

Suicidal thoughts
Depressing dreams
You’re making me this
This is YOUR scene

Trust me
I’d rather be spending my time
Eating bread, drinking wine
Reading His word
From His holy book
Singing praise
And getting hooked
On God

I’m afraid the devil’s
Got a hold
Threw in his line
And is starting to pull
I can’t detach from his bait
I’m filled with anger
And filling with hate
My mind is confused
What do I do?

So now I begin the fight
I’m starting the search
I’m finding the light

For He is the one who’ll help me
For He is the one who sees
He’s the one above me
He’s the one who’ll lead

Things in life get crazy
Things in life get thick
When things get hard to handle
It’s time to take your pick

I’m picking right
I choose the light
God is the Way
God is the Life.

“We NEED to stop holding guys to all these double standards! I was just thinking about the situation that I’m in and I realize that I am most guilty for doing this. Specifically, when it comes to comparisons. So we tell the guy we like that we don’t want him to compare us to the other girls that he’s dated, or liked. Which, yes. I think that’s totally fair. It sucks to think about him holding me up on one hand and her on the other, like it’s a scale. BUT WE are the first to compare OURSELVES to those girls!! WHY? It’s like either we want to be able to say that we are better than someone, or to tear our self esteem apart. I just spent several minutes staring at myself in the mirror, mentally picking my body apart because I don’t understand how he could go from someone so beautiful and small, to me. Here’s the thing though. As hard as it is to let go, if he says I’m beautiful and that he likes me the way I am, who am I to say that he’s lying? I can’t. I HAVE to trust him and take his word for it. A man does NOT HAVE to be with you or me. If he chooses to, there’s a reason. Just like there’s a reason he isn’t with that other girl anymore. He doesn’t HAVE to tell you that you’re beautiful, so if he does, say thank you and move on. Trust me, I am the queen of not taking compliments and overanalyzing everything. But if we expect him not to compare us to his ex’s, then we must expect the same thing from ourselves. It’s a difficult thing to do as women, because we LOVE the idea of being better than other women. But that’s kind of… really dumb, to be honest. Let’s try our best to stop doing that.”
— My mind.
“30 day single woman challenge - #TheSW”
— Late at night, when I’m happily snuggled down in my covers watching reruns of Spin City and The Golden Girls (am I 80?), and being really honest with myself, the truth comes to me: I’m still single because I want to be. Granted, none of the three guys were “The One” for me…but I have had opportunities. And I didn’t miss the opportunities. The opportunities missed ME. Either because I was running scared or running away from a toxic person or running away from something that looked a whole lot like gold but turned out to be glitter. Sometimes I ran because I needed to. And sometimes I ran because I WANTED to. But what I think it comes down to is this: I haven’t yet met anyone who makes me want to stop running. I like to think that when I DO meet “The One,” I’ll suddenly be hit with the overwhelming urge to Just. Stand. Still.

And now for your entertainment… #peanutbuttertime @briezy15

“Directly, or indirectly, everything we write is for someone.”
— (via moonless-oil)

(Source: moeyhashy, via themermaidsfolly)

“We weren’t called to love
That’s the way it goes
You find someone you trust
then you have to let go
But, it’s fine
You chase your dreams
I’ll chase mine
We’re goin two different directions
With too little time
So don’t worry
I’ll be fine”
— My Mind

Thanks for the fun
It’s been so great
One hell of a lie
Still you think it’s fate
Time to steer you right
Let’s say goodnight
I’m breaking your heart
You’ve taken the bait.
You gave me the reigns
I’ve always had control
I reel in your heart
Then in a second
Drop the pole
Switch my intentions
Soon as you’re turned around
What would I do
If you figured me out
Practice your poker face
Babe, you’re starting to show
There’s no room for truth
Let’s just fake love and go
Your heart is my game
Call me the queen
Your pain is my gain
I’m just too mean
Yet you distract yourself
and choose to believe
One day I will change
But, baby, this is me.



Life & Love - Both Horribly Sad

Sometimes life has a way of making itself look horribly sad.
Like heartbreak for example. 
You put so much time, effort, and emotions into one person
You would expect to get those things back, right? 
I think that’s what the Equity theory says.
So what happens when you get so close to someone
when they know every little thing about you
when they claim to love you
even when you feel like there’s nothing to love.
I’ll tell you what happens. 
You fall head over heels for them. 
Every time you see them, or hear their voice
your body releases this feeling
Happiness
This overwhelming feeling that everything is right
As long as you keep doing what you’re doing
things will continue to go this way, right?
Wrong.
It doesn’t necessarily matter.
Here’s a tip:
If something isn’t going to work, it won’t
"If only I knew then what I know now"
There’s so much truth to that phrase.
Maybe I wouldn’t have wasted my energy.
Maybe I wouldn’t be stuck here
In this place where my heart hurts every breath that I take.
Maybe I wouldn’t be stuck here
Wondering if I should blame myself for something
What if I hadn’t have said this
What if I hadn’t have done that
What if I just focused on making that person happy
Maybe it wouldn’t be this way. 
Maybe if I was a little more aware of the damage this was going to cause
BEFORE we began
I would have tried a little harder to push the feelings aside.
Oh well, 
I suppose I can’t change things now.
So I’ll just sit in this coffee shop
Distracting myself with work
Trying not to focus on how my heart feels like it’s being choked
and there’s nothing I can say or do 
to make that feeling go away.

So heartache. Yeah, that’s a good example of how life can change into something horribly sad.

"Dear Heart, 
do you belong to me, or do I belong to you? Look at all the trouble you’ve dragged me into.” - Sanctus Real

“Human beings are ambitious. We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing. For the most part, that’s okay. Ambition is good. Facing things with integrity is good. Dreaming is good. As long as the chase doesn’t diminish what we already have - the goodness we take for granted, the people we take for granted, and the lives we take for granted. My life, is good.”
— One Tree Hill
“Keep your eyes on your own grass and water that grass, clean it up and make it pretty, inside and out. Pass some tests. Stop being so emotional. Surround yourself with positive women. Stop going to the club to find men. Stop having sex with randoms (a person that you know you’ll never marry but you date them because you’re bored or lonely) . Stop complaining about your “time”. When completely trusting in Him, you’ll no longer question, worry or fear the future. Instead, you’ll be excited about the future, because life will no longer be about you, but it will be about Christ alone.”
Pink Lips & Empty Hearts: Completely Dressed Up & Broken Inside By Heather Lindsey
“…Maybe I just wanna sing
I wanna drown this pain out
with words written on my heart
describing all the doubt
Maybe by the time
the rain clears this drought
You’ll see right through me
See what I’m all about…”
— My inner most thoughts